1. List the people you need to talk to.

Start with the person you’ll plan your will with. That’s your spouse or someone you trust if you’re single. Together, you’ll choose the people you’re going to ask to fill a role in your will—like your personal representative, power of attorney and guardian(s) for your kids or pets. You may also need to talk to people who don’t get a vote but will be affected by your will, like your kids, beneficiaries and extended relatives. 

2. Think about your relationship with this person.

Can you talk to them easily, or do you tend to argue? We’ve all got at least one relative who’s a little too loud about their (unwanted) opinions. But they’re family, and you may have to talk to them about your will. Think about why past conversations have gone well or poorly. With these things in mind, you can plan for risks, take steps to minimize conflict, and set healthy boundaries to protect your decisions—not to mention your sanity.

3. Write out your thoughts.

It may sound cheesy, but doing this ahead of time will help you stay focused and calm during the conversation. Write down specifics, like what role you want your loved one to play in your end-of-life wishes and why. Remember, this is a tough topic for them too, so it helps to think about how you’d want to hear this information if you were in their shoes.

4. Create a safe space.

Do your planning in a comfortable, private space where you can think—like your favorite room, outdoor area or coffee shop. And when it’s time to talk, choose a spot where you and your loved one both feel comfortable. That could be at home for someone you’re close to, or it could be a neutral place like a restaurant if the relationship is strained.

5. Set up meetings with those involved.

Let’s be clear: This will take more than one conversation. You’re trusting your loved ones with sensitive information about what’s most important to you, so this isn’t the time to put everybody in a room and bombard them with your plans. You and your spouse should plan your will privately—no kids or in-laws allowed! When you ask someone to fill a role, meet with one individual or married couple at a time so they can respond and ask questions in a low-pressure setting. Then, after everything’s final, consider small group meetings or even a live reading of the will to tell your kids, beneficiaries or other relatives the details.

Ready to make your will? You can get started today.