1. Come prepared.

You already did the hard work of planning this conversation. Bring those notes along when you talk to your loved one so you can remember everything you want to say and keep the conversation on track.

2. Be present.

When you’re having an important conversation, it’s always a good idea to cut out distractions. Meet face-to-face so you can look your loved one in the eyes and interact. Silence your phone—or even turn it off—so there are no interruptions. And whatever you do, don’t talk about your will over text or email. It’s just too easy to misread intentions that way.

3. Ask for what you want.

Here’s some breaking news: Your friends and family can’t read your mind. So when you ask them to fill a role in your will, be direct and kind. You might say, “I’m planning my will, and I’d like you to be my personal representative.” With simple statements like that, there’s no room for confusion.

4. Give them a reason.

You’re asking someone to take on a big responsibility—so there’d better be a good reason. Is it because they’re responsible? Trustworthy? Do they know you best? Do you think they’d raise your kids the way you want? Whatever it is, tell them! It’ll help them understand why they’re qualified for the role you want them to take. And they’ll feel loved hearing why you think they’re so awesome.

5. Use “I” statements.

Your words can make your loved one feel valuable and free to choose what they think is best. Or they can send that person on a guilt trip. Using “I” (or “we”) statements is the best way to avoid those hard feelings because they take the pressure off your loved one and still let you speak your mind.

So instead of, “You have to be the kids’ guardian. You’re the only person we trust to do it!” try, “We really trust you, and the kids love you. We’d like to make you their guardian in our will. Will you consider that?”

6. Ask about their questions and concerns.

Some people may not volunteer their opinions right away, so ask them to. Then sit back, look into their eyes and listen. They might not know a personal representative is responsible for making sure everyone else follows the instructions in your will. Or they might travel too much to take care of your dog. Whatever they say, thank them for sharing. And treat their concern like it’s valid—because it is.

7. Give them time to think.

You’ve thought a lot about your will. But your loved one hasn’t. Since what you see as a carefully planned conversation is a surprise to them, they may need time to decide if they want the role. Agree on a deadline for that decision—then leave them alone until then. The last thing you want is to pressure them into a role they shouldn’t fill.

8. Respect their no.

Sometimes the person you think is best for a role may say “no” and that’s okay! You want people who are prepared and committed to help carry out your will. Instead of trying to change their mind, thank them for considering your request. And if you trust their advice, ask who they think would be a good option—they might think of someone you didn’t.

Talking about end-of-life plans with loved ones may be tough, but making an online will is easy. You can get started today.