Learning to connect with people is a lifelong adventure. It’ll look different for each friendship and community—family, work, church, city and the like—but here are a few goals to help steer you in the right direction.  

This might feel like an odd spot to start in a section about working on social goals, but hear us out.

Believe that you’re worth working on—and put time on your calendar to take care of yourself. That can mean taking a walk, working on a creative pastime, exercising, spending time in prayer, reading more—basically a lot of the things we’ve talked about in other parts of this goal guide!

When you take better care of yourself, you’ll be better able to connect with others.

If you want connection, make time for it. Turn off Netflix, pick up your phone, and call a friend over for chips and salsa.

Stop spending your nights and weekends checking in on work, and instead have friends over for dinner or take your kids to a park and toss a frisbee around. Make time for people.

But hear this: You can’t just say, “I’ll spend more time with others,” and leave it at that. All those examples we just listed happen when you stick time on the calendar, send a text, and make a true effort to get together!

Technology is often counterproductive to connection. As much as possible, choose activity or conversation with people over screen time.

How do you make this one measurable? Create “phone-free” times, like during dinner. Leave the TV off on weeknights (and find other ways to connect like card games, puzzles or walks in the neighborhood). Set a few boundaries, and get everyone involved on board and excited about the changes.

This one is pretty basic, but it makes an incredible difference in how connected you feel to someone. Part of connection is being seen—and this works in both the literal and metaphorical sense.

Eye contact is a simple and powerful way to create connection. And while you’re looking people in the eye, put down your screens and take out your headphones or earbuds. Physically demonstrate that you’re connected.    

When people are talking to you, pay attention. Listen. Focus on what they’re saying. Ask follow-up questions. Dig deeper. Show people you care by practicing the art of conversation. 

How can you do this, practically and in your normal life routine?

Challenge yourself once in a while. Today at work, I’m going to have lunch with so-and-so and keep the conversation about them by asking questions. Maybe you start a practice of Meaningful Conversation Lunch Monday! Then you’ve got a goal and not just wishful thinking to become a better conversationalist—and friend.

Connection should first happen in our most intimate circles with friends and family. But eventually, we should all consider how we can be an engaged member of the larger community around us.

From church to school to nonprofits, get connected with people who have similar interests! Join book clubs, play games at lunch with co-workers, find a moms group. Be present. Be engaged. Let your walls down.

Remember: Connection is a choice—but real, authentic, human-to-human connections are necessary for a full and thriving life.