Helping Students Through Anxiety Starts With You

Note to School and District Leaders: If your teachers seem overwhelmed by student behavior, this article may help explain why. Many of the kids showing up in classrooms today are anxious and unsure of how to cope with what seem like core human emotions and situations—and many of your teachers are doing their best to manage it. Share this article with them. When teachers understand how to create peace in themselves and in the classroom, they set their students up for better learning.

Just minutes ago, the building was quiet. You were calmly working through a tough email or sipping coffee while reviewing lesson plans. But now? Thirty kids just barreled through your door like a wave. They’re loud. They’re distracted. They’re late. They forgot their homework. They forgot deodorant. Then, as class begins, you stand in front of thirty different distracted, shutdown, overstimulated or challenging students. And they’re all looking for the same thing: to be seen and known.

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Even if you’ve done the hard work of setting boundaries and are starting to make better choices to manage your own anxiety, students bring a level of chaos and complexity that can challenge even the most firmly rooted limits.

You know this: In a chaotic, anxiety-ridden classroom, it can feel impossible for you to teach, and impossible for your students learn. No one is learning when everyone feels like they’re just trying to survive. So, how do you lead a classroom when it feels like your students' nervous systems are all in the red?

There are no easy fixes. But there are two powerful things you can do, starting today, that don’t require more energy, a secret app, or another five-point system. These aren’t tricks or hacks. They’re tools. And they can transform you and your classroom.

1. Give Your Students the Gift of a Sturdy Presence

Many kids today have no stable adult in their lives. Your students are dealing with the fallout of divorce, family or home loss, unstable grown-ups, abuse or poverty—or some concoction of all of the above. Other students are facing insane pressure to perform or measure up to their parent’s personal insecurities. They have adults who either do everything for them or nothing for them. Adults who hover like it’s a police state, disappear into a third job just to put food on the table, into mental health challenges, or into smartphones and streaming TV.

When kids don’t have a sturdy, regulated adult in their corner, their nervous systems never get a break. They’re constantly scanning the environment for threats and trying to protect themselves from food insecurity, strangers, heartbreak, criticism or even being seen.

As a teacher, you can be the person who gives them the one thing they’re desperately searching for—a sturdy, safe adult. An adult who sees them, knows them, and loves them. You can be the first adult to give them the gift of looking them in the eye and saying, “I see you. You matter. I believe you. I believe in you.”

Now, being a safe, sturdy adult doesn’t mean you accept chaos in your classroom. It means you stay calm and grounded when a kid yells or rolls their eyes. And they will. It means choosing that kids don’t get a vote as to your worth. It means you hold your boundaries while still honoring their humanity. And it means you choose to show up—again and again—with curiosity, compassion and connection.

You can’t force your students to feel safe. But you can be a steady, predictable presence in their lives. And over time, whether those kids are four or 18, their nervous systems will learn to trust your presence, and that connection will make all the difference in how they respond to you in the classroom.

2. Give Your Students Structure That Holds

Anxious kids need boundaries. They need predictability, accountability and structure.

This isn’t about being rigid or harsh in how you run your classroom. It’s about being consistent in how you run your classroom. Let your students know how your class works—what you expect of them and what they can expect of you. Be clear about what will make them successful and what will not make them successful in your class.

Then—this is the hard part—you have to be consistent.

Kids will watch your every single move. They will test those boundaries. That’s their job. They’re wired to see if a boundary is really there because in a lot of their lives, boundaries don’t mean anything. The adults in their world don’t follow through. Or they overcorrect. Or they disappear.

You get to show up as something different. Sturdy like an oak tree. Predictable and kind. Not perfect and sometimes swaying in the wind. But always rooted deeply in the ground.

Again, when kids know what to expect, their bodies have a chance to settle. They can exhale. The volume on the alarms ringing in their chests turn down a bit. The energy in the room shifts over time, and your students can begin to focus on learning instead of fighting or fleeing.

3. Be a Safe Place

You can’t undo years of trauma. You can’t fix every student’s home life. You’re not a therapist or a social worker (though it does feel like it sometimes). But you can create a pocket of peace in your classroom.

You can be a home base—a place where a bunch of chaotic, funny, hurting, curious, brilliant human beings walk in every day and know: This is a safe place. This is a place where I matter.

And that’s when the real learning begins.