Dave Says: Balancing Gazelle Intensity and a Long Distance Relationship

Dear Dave,
I’m 25, and I work as a property manager making $65,000 a year. I’m in the middle of paying off my debts, but I’m struggling to stay intense about it. My boyfriend isn’t working right now, and it’s been a while since his last job. He lives four hours away, so I’m always spending extra on gas and other things to make the eight-hour, round-trip drive twice a month so we can spend time together. We’ve been together for almost two years, but I’m honestly beginning to wonder if it’s worth it. He doesn’t seem to mind not working, and that bothers me, too.  
Naya

Dear Naya,
It should bother you—for a couple of important reasons. Reason number one: A man who wants to work can always find something to do. So why isn’t this guy working at least a part-time job? Tell him to run down to Home Depot, and buy a leaf blower or a lawn mower. Help him out with the purchase, if you can afford it. Rich people are afraid of leaves and grass, and they’ll pay someone to get rid of them.

Reason number two: From what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like he’s got much standing in the way of visiting you once in a while. Why is it up to you to go see him? If he can’t—or won’t—take the initiative to find work and pursue you, then as far as I’m concerned he’s disqualifying himself from being boyfriend material, let alone husband material.

Everything you’re seeing in him right now will be magnified in marriage—both good and bad. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, young lady. You’ve got a good job, and you’re being smart about getting out of debt and handling your finances in a mature and responsible way. You’ve got so much going for you. And I want you to start putting more value on yourself.

Naya, you need to stay in your town, and invite him to come see you. If he does, and if he finds a way to make some money,  he might be worthy of having an important place in your life. But, if he’s unwilling to become gainfully employed, and put out at least a little effort to see you on his dime, I think you should move on.
— Dave

* Dave Ramsey is a nine-time national bestselling author, personal finance expert and host of The Ramsey Show. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people take control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.