Have you ever wondered where confidence comes from? Is it a special gene some people are born with or a personality trait that just develops over time? After a decade of coaching people in many areas of their life, I can tell you with 100% certainty that confidence is a skill that can be learned.
That’s great news because confidence is key to unlocking a bigger, better and more fulfilling life for all of us. But before we dive into what confidence is and how to create it, we need to clear up some confusion about what it’s not.
Confidence is not arrogance. It doesn’t mean you’re superior, entitled or conceited.
Confidence is not fearlessness. It doesn’t mean you don’t get scared or have doubt.
Confidence is not narcissism. It doesn’t mean you think the world revolves around you.
What Is Confidence?
Confidence is being rooted in who you are and whose you are. It’s being comfortable in your own skin. It doesn’t mean you know you’ll always succeed, but it does mean you’re willing to go for it and try anyway. It means you’re okay with you, even if someone else isn’t. It means you’re willing to stick up for yourself and do the right thing even when others aren’t.
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Confidence allows you to make decisions that are right for you, protect yourself with boundaries, resist peer pressure, go for bigger goals, and even combat common insecurities that can plague relationships. Living with confidence has amazing results in every area of your life, and it’s a part of fully stepping into who you were created to be.
Right now, you may feel overwhelmed or unfulfilled—or maybe both! Maybe you’ve been feeling stuck and aren’t sure what step to take next. Maybe you’re facing a problem and you aren’t sure how to overcome it. Or maybe you’ve got a big new goal and you need help reaching it. Regardless of what’s going on in your life, I’m glad you’re here. I want to help you get caught up, get it together, and get to where you want to be. Most of all, I want to help you develop confidence in yourself and in the God who created you.
Working From the Inside Out
You might be stressed from financial pressure or never having enough time. You may feel exhausted from parenting little kids or defeated from working a job you don’t like. Those are real challenges, and I want to help you overcome them. But if we only work on your time problem or money problem or energy problem, we’re just putting a Band-Aid over the issue, and it’s likely going to come up again.
That’s why I want to help you get to where you want to be by working from the inside out. We’re going to focus on the five most important areas of your life—your spirit, mind, body, relationships and resources. These areas make up the Core of Confidence. Growing in each of these areas will help you get back to you and the person God created you to be. You’ll find that as you cultivate confidence and fulfillment in one area, that growth overflows into the other areas of your life as well.
The Core of Confidence
1. Start With Your Spirit
Everything begins with God. God is not a piece of your life, but the source.
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” — John 15:4 (NIV)
2. Protect Your Mind
Many problems start here. As you understand and work on your beliefs, values and internal thoughts, you’re able to handle external challenges much better.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” — Philippians 4:6–8 (NIV)
3. Appreciate Your Body
When you feel bad about yourself, you often feel bad about everything else too. Taking care of your body in a way that makes you happy, confident and proud is essential to living a life you love.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.” — Psalm 139:13–14 (NIV)
4. Honor Your Relationships
Life is made up of relationships. In order to lead a quality life, you must have quality relationships.
“Do to others what you would have them do to you.” – Matthew 7:12 (NIV)
5. Value Your Resources
Your days are measured by clocks, calendars, financial transactions and to-do lists. Your time, money and energy should be spent on what’s most important to you if you want to be fulfilled.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” — Colossians 3:23 (NIV)
These five areas make up the Core of Confidence, and they’re the path to you growing in confidence in your own life and in your relationship with God. My friend Annie F. Downs said to me, “The more I learn about God, the more sure I am about me.” I love that. That’s what I want for you and for me. When you work on yourself from the inside out, you not only become a better version of yourself—you also become closer to who God created you to be.
For more tips on building self-confidence and deciding what kind of person you want to become, check out my latest book, Take Back Your Time!