Only Matt knows me—really knows me. There’s something beautiful and intimate and sacred about being known. It’s one of the most special parts of being married. You both know each other like no one else in the world.
Everyone else thinks you’ve got it all together, but only your spouse has seen the really ugly, terrible, embarrassing parts of you. And amazingly, they love you anyway.
While people at speaking events may think I’m impressive, my husband knows the real me. He knows the me in an old Young Life shirt with paint on it, wearing glasses and a messy ponytail. He knows the me with the behind-the-scenes breakdowns and a night mouth guard that makes me talk with a lisp. He knows.
But being known is also the thing that can lead us to take each other for granted.
I reminded Matt of something the other night, and I want to remind you of it as well: Your spouse doesn’t want to only be that.
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I don’t want to only be the girl with the paint-stained shirt, glasses and a messy ponytail. Sometimes I want Matt to think I’m amazing. Sometimes I want him to be knocked off his feet at how I look. Sometimes I want him to be impressed with the work that I’ve done or the things I’ve accomplished.
Since Matt isn’t a big words person (and I obviously am), we constantly have to work on communication in our relationship. So during a heart-to-heart the other night, I shared this with Matt. I told him that my feelings had been a little hurt recently, and I reminded him that of all of the opinions and approvals in the world, I want his the most. I care more about what he thinks of me than anyone else.
He responded with complete humility and grace, as you would expect. He said, “I appreciate you telling me that, because when I’m with you at a speaking event and you have people lined up to tell you how great you did, it never occurs to me to tell you also. I just assume you know. And I tell other people how proud I am of you. I guess I just never think to tell you. But now that you mention it, I would feel the same way. I care more about what you think about my work or what I do than anyone else.”
And that is true for you too, friends. Regardless of what your spouse is working on—whether it’s a big client at work, a race they are training for, or a house that they are working hard on cleaning—the opinion that matters to them the most is yours. Don’t miss the opportunity to be your spouse’s biggest champion, loudest supporter and number one fan. Whether you realize it or not, and whether they tell you openly or they don’t, the person they want to impress the most is you.